Clean city water being installed today...

Today, the water department has started to run the water line extension to our property. They said they will be finished tomorrow and we will have a meter in our front yard! Yea!
Then we just need to run the water from the meter into our home. I think the Spurlings, parents from Wade's school, offered to help us with that, so that will be nice. It's been 4 years of dirty, bacteria, well water. We can't wait to take a bath & brush our teeth in clean water! :) Thank you Scott Elementary School PTA!

Biopsy results are negative, no new cancer!

What a relief!!! The biopsy results were negative for any Lymphoma cells! Yea!! Dr. Hudson (dermatologist who took the biopsy) says more than likely I am just having a skin reaction to the dead cancer cells & chemo. Biopsy said it is a hive-like rash, it could last awhile he says, but I told him as long as it's not cancer, I can learn to live with it. Just so happy to hear it wasn't the cancer coming back!!! Thank you God!!!

Waiting for Biopsy results

The doctor took a biopsy out of the top of my hand last week where my rash was most active at the time. I won't get the results back until monday. Of course, we are all worried it's the cancer coming back but I try to stay positive.
-------------------------------------------------------

Hi Mal,
I love your blog!!!
It's fantastic to read, especially for those of us who've gone through treatment and suffered from the physical, mental, and emotional toll that comes with a cancer diagnosis.
I will hold your health in the most positive light and hope that the biopsy comes back negatory :-)

Best,
Kim (Izzydoesit from the HD forum)
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Hey Mal,
just wanted you to know that I still think of you every sigle day. I've been wanting to stop by for another visit but Cindy has had such a terrible cold for the last couple of weeks and we didn't want to spread it around. I'll pray Monday that you get good results. Sarah Mclachlan's song Angel means so much to me!!! I use to listen to it over and over during my battle and it gave me so much comfort. Music is such a wonderful thing, I'd be lost without it. Thanks for being such an inspiration to me and so many other's in our Cancer family. Remember I'm only a few month's from 3 years in remission from stage 4 Lymphoma. I still feel that it picked the wrong guy to try to beat. You'll always have support here.

Love, Hope and Inspiration.
Bobby S

--Posted by Bobby Schneider to Mallory's Journal at 2/18/2007 08:08:52 PM

Still Struggling...

Everyone always asks me, how I have made it thru all these terrible things in my life, how I've mangaged to hold myself together thru such tragedies. I never really know what to say.
Like many other people who have gone thru so many awful struggles, I just try to put a smile on my face & nod my head. But on the inside is a different story. I haven't made it thru without alot of damage.

Every morning I wake up, I see the damage on the outside of my body, all my missing hair, the 22lbs I've gained from chemo steroids, the chemo chemical scars on my torso & arms, the portacath sticking out of my chest, the surgery scars on my abdomen & chest, the rash that is now on my torso, neck & hands and I don't recognize the person in the mirror anymore. But I try to remember that I'm still alive and the outside of me will hopefully get better, my hair will grow back, I'll hopefully lose the weight, the portacath will hopefully come out this year, but the scars... will always be a painful reminder.

Just like the scars I carry on the inside. Only my doctor & closest friends know the mental struggles I've been facing, which seem to be getting worse instead of better. Since the chemo & radiation, I have lost much of my short term memory, my abilites to comprehend, concentrate, figure simple math, etc. have diminished. On top of this, understandably, is alot of depression & anxiety. I feel like I should have the right to feel sad & scared sometimes without having to feel guilty about it. It's hard to keep the tears bottled up ALL the time & a smile on my face for the sake of everyone around me.

I met with Dr. Browning again yesterday, he is so awesome, he really listens to me and works hard at finding solutions for my disease. He seems to think my anxiety & rash may be related. He gave me medicine for GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) & depression. He said it's no wonder with all I've been thru these the last 2 years. He's also worried the rash could be cancer related and wants me to have a biopsy done. Ugh! Just when I thought things were getting better & back to normal.

The only thing that brings me joy is being around children. We had a sleepover saturday night with all the boys. My nephews, Jack 13 & Jeremiah 8 months, came over to spend the night with Wade & Cody. I took the boys to the new Evansville Children's museum (again), they loved it! Then we came home made milkshakes & sundaes & pitched a tent in the living room to camp out in. The boys played and watched movies while I rocked little baby Jeremiah to sleep by the cozy fire. It was a wonderful evening with the kids. I just love children, they are so sweet, loving, happy & funny to be around, I guess that's what keeps me going, they make me forget all the harsh realities in life for a little while.

___________________________________________________

Insight from Ann on the Luekemia & Lymphoma message board, I can particularly relate to right now in my early post-treatment days:

Once in a while I read something that really rings true for me. I don't always feel that I can put my feeling in words but something I read recently, strikes a cord. It was an article in the New York Times Magazine written by a cancer survivor, Jenny Allen.(Feb. 4th,pg 88)

She stated, I am doing my best these days to stick to the script in which the cancer patient "bounces back" after successful treatment-not only bounces back but is returned to her family and friends in an improved version, a person flooded with gratitude and a refreshed love for life- but am not doing so with much conviction. I have learned that just as you are beginning to realize you have had this dreadful disease, everyone else is starting to forget it. It is like arriving at the end of an awful trip, craving the embrace of your loved ones and finding that they have all gone somewhere else.
http://ubb-lls.leukemia-lymphoma.org/ubb/Forum11/HTML/000283.html

I have had tremendous support from family and friends but really did feel very alone and scared when the treatment stopped. This board has been very helpful in finding other people going through the same thing.
Thanks!
Ann

Doing better

I'm so happy to be feeling 'normal' again! What a wonderful feeling. I am still fighting the rash but it's gotten better, still slowly spreading, mostly on my hands now, but not quite as fierce, thank goodness.
I met with Dr. Miller, my radiation doctor today and he said all looks good, he said I am cancer-free 'at the moment' and he keeps trying to tell me how things can change overnight and not to get my hopes up too much, but I still can't help but be HAPPY!

Mark's mom is still sore but doing much better since her accident. Mark has been working hard trying to get her a new car so she can get to work. He's such a good son. I hope my sons are that good to me when I'm older.

Mark's Mom in car accident...

Mark's mom was in a car accident last night, a lady pulled out and hit her head on, on her way home from work. The Sheriff' called me, her car was totaled. The ambulance took her to the emergency room. We stayed there with her for a few hours until they finally let her go home after a CT scan & xrays. 

Linda is ok, she has some bumps, bruises and very sore neck and shoulders. Doctor said she won't be able to return to work till next week. Thank God she is ok.

Thank God for my little boys

Today was very busy!! I have been to doctors appointments and/or scans everyday this week, (my online cancer friends can relate to that I'm sure) :-) 

Then I thought I'd have a day off today, I wanted to plan some special activities & crafts for my daycare kids who were coming early friday morning, but today ended up being the busiest of all!

The doctors office had a cancellation and wanted me to come in today, within an hour! 

In the meantime, the news lady keeps calling me to set a time today for an interview..... then my stepmom keeps calling me about her wedding, the insurance lady calls, my hives are itching me like crazy & have now spread up my neck and on my hands.

 Whew!

I'm so glad Wade came home from school in time to go with me to the doctor's office.  Wade is my best friend, he holds my hand when he knows I'm nervous or stressed, he helps calm me down & I love him so much for that. 

He read cartoons for me while we waited in the doctors office, he even had to keep answering my cell phone, as it rang 4 more times, while I was being examined by the doctor. Wade is such a good little boy.

Ironically, Dr. Hudson told me the chemo rash/hives I have, can also be triggered or aggravated by stress, wow. (I've never had hives, it's so weird, I had no idea)

After a long day of the phone ringing, the doctor's appt, CVS for more prescriptions, 2 Television and newspaper interviews (one in the parking lot at Dr. Hudsons & then another interview at our house with Mark) and about 5 more phone calls this evening, I was just ready to relax with my two little boys.

 We just decided to stop answering the phone & spend some alone time baking cookies together :-) My little boys are what keep me sane, when things get bad, I have them to love & hug on and you just can't ask for anything better :-)
Thank God for my little boys, my husband, family & friends. I wouldn't be able to make it thru this without ya'll! Thank you!

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Kim says........ (Kim is from the Hodgkin's message board)

Loc: New York, NY
The Myth of the "Good" Cancer Patient

#292396 - 01/18/06 08:03 PM

I will preface this by saying that this is my personal point of view and not the opinion of this station . Since I seem to be having a difficult time of late relating how I feel to people who have not had cancer, I'm going to take this opportunity to squat and share here among my tribe. Maybe I'll find out I am just plain full of scat, in which case I will set aside 40 days to go alone into the desert to wrestle with God. Common sense tells us when catastrophe befalls us it's more productive to have a good attitude, to have gratitude, faith, hope, and lend a helping hand to those less fortunate. That's the ideal goal.

Sometimes despite our best efforts, we fall short of this: we complain, feel sorry for ourselves, feel alone, that we've been dealt a hand we don't deserve. We may harbor resentments for those who've disappointed us, misunderstood us, avoided us, or even deserted us. This may lead us to isolate and fall into further despair.

What I'm learning--with much difficulty and pain--is that there are no extra points for being a "good" cancer patient; that is: patient, tolerant, accepting, cheerful, uplifted, courageous, willing to overcome any odds. Because of the example set by extraordinary individuals like Lance Armstrong, we may feel we've somehow failed if we fall short of that example, like we're being graded on how we get through cancer treatment and its aftermath. Have you ever said to yourself:

• Why is it taking me so long to get better?-
• Why don't I feel happier and more motivated now that treatment is finished?-
• Maybe I'm not trying hard enough-
• Maybe I should suffer in silence so I don't worry or upset those around me; besides, they're probably sick and tired of hearing about my cancer-
• It's so petty to care about my appearance, I should just be grateful to be alive-
• It's ok that my friends don't call as much anymore, I can't expect their lives to stop just because I got sick -
• I should be strong enough to deal with this and figure this out on my own-
• Something must be wrong/defective with me-
• Why can't I snap out of this depression and my negative attitude?

All those who answered no to all of the above are excused. For anyone who answered yes to even one of the above, consider this: you are not alone. In fact, you are NORMAL. The truth is, some of us will hardly bat an eye through treatment; will train for marathons, get married, have kids, go around the world (my onc had a patient who went to HK in the middle of chemo with no repercussions). Others will quit work immediately, feel sick, depressed, like the world is closing in on them.

Unfortunately, there's a lot of shame attached to a cancer diagnosis (we become "untouchable"); we feel shame around how we conduct ourselves through cancer treatment, shame about how we recover post-treatment. We are constantly judging ourselves the way we perceive others are judging us (aren't you well YET?). We're so exhausted by the whole experience of treatment as well as managing our personal and professional lives, that it never occurs to us that what we need to do most is take kind and loving care of ourselves.

We're so busy performing damage control on our relationships (which need plenty of shoring up!) that we don't see that the most important relationship in need of repair is the one with us. My new therapist (who specializes in post cancer treatment) said that it's OK to lick your wounds after treatment--for months, if necessary. There's pressure for the patient to get back to "normal" because it's more comfortable for those who're afraid of getting cancer. But the patient is the one who suffers most and who desperately needs compassion. Like the neglected child assumes responsibility for his parent's lack of attention, the cancer patient may assume responsibility for his illness and the repercussions it has on everyone around him. We're deathly sick and we worry about the trouble we're causing for everyone around us!

This insult, added to the injury of the disease, is too much for us to bear. We crumble, little by little. The challenge is to reclaim who we are. We can start by letting ourselves off the hook and giving ourselves the compassion we so desperately need. We can give ourselves permission to take as much time as we need to regain our health and our strength, permission to weep out loud at the loss of our hair, permission to curse God for how sick we feel. We can take back our power and dignity by talking out loud and without shame or apology about our illness or why we need help. It's not our fault we got cancer and there's nothing that says we're bad or defective if we don't conduct ourselves like Mother Teresa. (Even saints have their defects.) But we can't do this alone. Finding support groups (including this board) has been a lifeline out of the abyss for me. Four months out of tx and I'm only starting to piece together a recognizable map of where I've been. I encourage anyone in need of a guide to seek help from therapist who is trained in dealing with cancer issues. The relief you get in talking to someone who "gets it" and can offer suggestions and/or solutions is priceless.

Kim

--------------------

It's never too late to be what you might have been ~ George Eliot

Sub-clavicular biopsy of node 5-16-05

Dx: 5/23/05 NSHD 1A

4 cycles AVBD 6/23/05 - 9/29/05

Neupogen 5 days post-chemo starting 7/7/05

Clean PET 7/21/05

Clean PET 10/18/05

17-month check up 2/6/07 - still in remission

Thank you

Good news... Wade's school PTA, has decided to donate money to help get us hooked up to city water!! I had no idea they even knew our situation! It was such a nice surprise when my friend Kelly called the other night after the PTA meeting, to let us know.

Wade's kindergarten teacher, has been a huge help to us, especially with drinking water & groceries!! Then, one of the parents in Wade's class, have been kind enough to get things rolling for us with the water hookup because he is an engineer! How wonderful is that?! They are doing all the calling for us and hopefully we can get hooked up soon. How nice! Thank you all!

Ugly rash taking over...itch, itch, scratch, scratch

Cancer just refuses to go away without a fight!
Now, the left side of my body is covered in a raised, extremely itchy, burning rash. It developed in the exact same areas where I had the bleomycin linear scars from chemo. Got another CT Scan to do in the morning.
I've been scanned SO many times now, I'm starting to feel like a barcode!!! :-)

Last Radiation- DONE!!!!

I got zapped yesterday for the last time! Everyday for the last 3 weeks (except weekends) and I'm finally done. I hope I never to see a radiation machine again!
The nurses even gave me a certificate yesterday, they are so super nice, check it out...
Pretty cool, huh? I feel free again! I can finally get on with my life now.

It's been 8 MONTHS of:

• 1st Surgery to remove lymphnodes & appendix
• 2nd Surgery to insert portacath in chest (very painful, awake the whole time)
• Drilling a core of bone marrow from my back (very, very painful)
• Taking countless blood draws from my arm (ouch!)
• Colonoscopy (yuck)
• Several CT Scans, PET scans & XRAYS (CT & PET scans means more needles!)
• 1 trip to Emergency room in excrutiating pain that resulted in 5 days being hospitalized with a tube up my nose while my stomach was pumped.
• 12 rounds of horrible chemo every 2 weeks for 4 hours at a time followed by 9 days of pain, puking & exhaustion.
• 12 rounds of radiation being zapped into my belly & hip everyday which the doctor tells me will greatly increase my chances of getting a 2nd cancer! Ironic!

ALL THIS TO HOPEFULLY HAVE SAVED MY LIFE! It was worth it to hear the news that I am cancer free! As you know, there is no cure for Hodgkin's so I will continued to be monitored the rest of my life. I will go back to see the doc every 3 months and then every 6 months and so on. He says the cancer is more likely to come back within the first 2 years, so if I can make it past then, I'll have pretty good chances of making it! Let's HOPE! :)

I try to stay positive through it all and I know the tragic events that have occured in my life have only made me stronger and made me the person I am today. What keeps me going is what my mom used to always say, "Remember, there is always someone worse off than you" and "When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window."

I am grateful to still be alive and be able to be a mom, wife, daughter, sister, cousin, niece, granddaughter, sister-in-law, daughter-in-law, step-sister, step-daughter and friend to all those who mean the most to me.

All in all, I've still got a wonderful life!

One of my favorite songs is "Life Ain't always Beautiful" by Gary Allen.

Life Ain't Always beautiful, but it's a Beautiful ride!

___________________________________________

Mallory I'm so happy to hear this wonderful news!!!! It's just exactly the way that I've been praying that it would turn out. Your story has and will continue to touch and give inspiration to so many more people out there along the way. I truthfully believe that Faith, wonderful doctors and medicine, supportive family, supportive friends and last but not least THE WILL TO NEVER GIVE UP are the steps to becoming a Genuine Survivor. Thanks from a Fellow Survivor for the hope and inspiration that you have shown during your battle. I couldn't be more proud of you for the way that you handled it.

Best Wishes, Bobby S.

Mallory, what wonderful news! I am so happy that all of those treatments are over and your cancer is gone. I admire you so much for your bravery and positive outlook. So many prayers were being said for you and God heard and answered them all. Keep your positive thoughts. I am glad we got to meet you, even though it was a short visit. Hopefully we can get together soon.

Love and prayers, Jan

Happy New Year

Hope everyone had a good Christmas. We did! We had a great time with our families for Christmas. I'm still working on all the thank you's I need to send out! We just got home from radiation #7 today. I'm a bit nauseous, but ok for the most part. I've started drinking Boost & Ensure and I think it helps. They took more xrays today, not sure why, just checking to make sure they aren't turning my insides to mush I guess.
So far so good, still breathing, will be so happy when completely finished and I don't have to see that nasty cancer building everyday. I will also be so happy to get this port device taken out of my chest, it's become very itchy and bothersome.
Happy New Year, Let's hope next year is WAY better!

Radiation EVERYDAY...

I began radiation on tuesday and I go everyday now until about Jan 4th. I don't have to go on weekends. The radiation itself is a little scary but not near as horrible as chemo was. When I walk into the radiation room, the scariest thing was not the radiation machine, but actually the door to the room!

It hit me how very serious radiation was when I saw the 8" thick steel door with the radiation warning signs all over it and a huge locking mechanism on it. The nurses walk you in, set you up on the table, line up the lasers that are on all four walls of the room with all the marks they have put on my body, then they leave the room. They close the huge 'bank vault' door behind them, the alarm goes off and the radiation begins, it only takes about 2 minutes as the machine zaps me from the top and then flips upside down to zap me from the bottom. Thankfully, I can't feel anything except vibrations.
I've done 3 so far, go in today for #4 and I've noticed it causes extreme fatigue and just a little stomach queezyness.

I'm glad it's almost over and I hope I never have to go through any of this again. This has been a VERY, VERY rough 7 months of my life, but I just thank GOD I still HAVE my life!.............. I have alot to be thankful for this Christmas!

Start Radiation Monday

Mark and I met with the Radiation doctor, on Wednesday. He told us the PET scan showed "No Evidence of Cancer!" That's awesome! I still have to have radiation though. The PET scans are not 100% accurate and Dr. explained how with Hodgkin's Disease, you have to hit it really hard the first time and make sure you kill it all, because it has a high comeback rate. He also told us that Hodgkin's has a high likelyhood of causing a second cancer to develop, usually Acute Leukemia, a non-hodgkin's lymphoma or hematologic malignancies.
I have good news though.....Doc said I will only need about 12-13 radiation treatments instead of the 30 they originally were talking about so thats great! I have to go everyday except weekends and should be done by Jan 4th. Yea!!! Hope everyone is getting ready for a wonderful Christmas! :)



slskenyon said...
I am so glad to hear that you will have to undergo only a fraction of the treatments that you originally thought you would have to. I admire your ability to see this as a "process" you are going through, and I must say that you really are taking things one day at a time, one milestone at a time.
1:05 PM


Bobby S said...
Hey Mallory, thats the news that I have been waiting to hear from you. How wonderful and I couldn't be happier for you. See now that the sky is beginning to lighten from that storm that I talked about. Your Awesome girl. A Genuine inspiration to all. The way that you are fighting this will help so many others and touch alot of lives along the way. You go girl. Your friend Bobby Schneider
4:23 PM


Anne said...
Good luck on your radiation! I'm going to get radiation number 9 today and then 5 more to go! Your blog is very helpful and I would like to link to it if you don't mind. Keep the faith and best wishes to you and your family.Sincerely,Anne
9:31 AM


Fred in Taiwan said...
Thanks be to God! Mallory, you are a real trooper and I had faith that you would come through this! What a wonderful Christmas present and a great way to start the New Year! Bless you all!
11:22 PM

Good News!

Results of the PET scan are in..............Good News, all the lymph nodes are shrank back down! (is shrank a word? ha ha) They said it looked good! I haven't talked to the doctor yet, it was the secretary that called, so I still have some questions. But I'm guessing that means no cancer in my lymph nodes and that it's only in my hip now, but I'll find out more on Wednesday when I meet with the radiation doctor. But so far, that's good news! That means all the horrible 'Drano' they pumped in me for the last 6 months was worth it and it worked!!! Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PET scan today

I'm going in for a PET & CT scan today. I won't know the results for a couple days. I meet with the radiation doctor next week & then suppose to start radiation treatments right after Christmas. Dr. said it will be around 20-30 rounds of radiation he guesses, it's up to the radiation doctor to decided for sure. Hopefully that will work and get the cancer out of my hip bone. I can feel it ache when I lay on my right side in bed.

One of those days....

Couldn't sleep again last night, all the steroids (prednisone & decadron) they give me in my chemo keep me up alot and the bad thing is I'm SOOO tired. Weird.
The pain in my neck & shoulders started this afternoon and just would not let up. The weird scratch looking bruises have spread from my left side all the way up my shoulder and on my back now. Here's a picture of my shoulder, you can see it looks like I've been scratched really bad. If any of my cancer message board friends are reading this, let me know if you've also had these weird markings on you after chemo. I heard that it's the tissue bleeding & burning on the inside out from the chemo drugs. I don't know.

DONE WITH CHEMO!!! YEA!

Chemo can kiss my you know what!! :) I still have a few days of sickness ahead of me but hopefully by next week I will start to feel like a human again! I'm so glad it's over with. Mark went with me to my last chemo and he laid in the hospital bed with me for the few hours till it was done, just happy it was our last one! Sandra came over to babysit the boys for us that day so that was nice!
We've been gettin' ready for Christmas, I'm really looking forward to it now that I know I won't be sick. Dr. said we may be able to cut the radiation down to 20 treatments but we won't know for sure until I meet with the radiation doctor in a couple weeks. I go in for a PET scan next week, that is the test that will show wether or not all this chemo did it's job, so I'll be nervous about that until the tests come back.
Workin' on gettin' my xmas cards out in the meantime! :)


Bobby said....
Hey Mal, excellent news about your LAST Chemo. Yes now you'll get to feeling a little better every week and before you know it all of the hard times will be behind you. PET scans are a real breeze and the two ladies that did mine were really nice at St. Marys. I look forward to hear some really good news from you about your results. I spent most of Christmas 03 in bed with horrible pain, so Christmas 04 and 05 and now especially 06 will really be special for me. I'm proud of you for your stamina during the hard times and you are a genuine inspiration to me and to all. Your in my prayers everyday my dear friend. Till next time Bobby Schneider

Last chemo tomorrow (Hopefully ever!)

I am so nauseous today just thinking about going in tomorrow. It's strange how your mind can do that to you. I was fine yesterday. I also am starting to realize how noone really understands all of this except for other survivors who have been through this. I feel so alone sometimes, when I try to talk to my family or friends about my treatments and fears, they usually change the subject or cut me short. It's strange.

My friend, Bobby Schneider, who is also a survivor, gave me Lance Armstrong's book about his battle with cancer, it has helped me so much and I try to read a little each night. Alot of the times it's not things I want to hear though. Like last night, I read the part about radiation since mine is starting soon & I don't know much about it. Lance said that the radiation causes permanent circulatory system damage and effects your balance. Great! More damage, bring it on! By the time all this is done, I'm gonna feel like one of those wrecked cars my husband is always working on, "it's totaled but is still driveable, they'll say." ha ha!

I know I don't show it and I try to keep alot inside because I don't want to burden anyone, but sometimes I really need to talk. Cancer, chemo & radiation all are very serious and very, very terrible, awful, sickening, frightening, super traumatic things. It's not like I am just going in for surgery or something, it's much, much worse than surgery, I know, I've had 5, they are a piece of cake compared to this chemo nightmare. I have no control over my brain function half the time, I am continuously short of breath now, I can't do as much as I used to, the left side of my body is all brown stains now from the chemo chemicals eating up my insides, the portacath and wire inside my chest is always itching, pulling and aching and this 'fear of chemo syndrome' (aka anticipatory nausea) has taken over, I bawled as soon as I saw the chemo room last treatment. Luckily my good friend Rusty was with me and Dr. Browning to try to calm me down and get me settled with alot of sedatives. There is just so much yucky junk that happens to your body besides the incredible nausea and pain that you see on TV. It's all this other stuff that noone tells you about. So I am telling all of you, all the lymphoma patients I have met on the Hodgkin's message boards. I wish someone had told me all this stuff.
It's also all incredibly depressing, especially since there is no cure! I find myself always wondering if these treatments are going to work, if it does, will it come back, how many ct scans am I going to have to endure in my life, for the rest of my life. Until a cure is found, my cancer monster will always be over my shoulder. Always taunting me, never letting me forget.
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PLEASE CLICK ON THIS LINK & TURN UP YOUR SPEAKERS, THIS SAYS IT ALL.........

http://www.thesurvivormovie.com/

it's only a minute or two long.

Please send it to anyone else you know who if fighting this horrible disease!

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“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face…You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
--Eleanor Roosevelt

We are so Thankful!!!!

We want to thank everyone for the generous donations we have received for Thanksgiving! Wade's kindergarten teacher, her husband & his men's bible study group, generously brought us groceries last weekend! It was so wonderful! They even brought me a bunch of Ensure to help me get well. Thank you so much!!!

This monday, Mr. Cole's 4th grade class so generously gathered groceries and BuyLow gift cards for us for Thanksgiving! We are so grateful! I want to thank my friends Shannon & Kelly for their thoughtfulness in nominating us as a family to help this holiday season. Thank you!!!!!!

We are so blessed to know such wonderful people and to call you our friends! Thank you all so much for your kindness.
You have shown us the spirit of Thanksgiving!
We are truly THANKFUL! God Bless you all!
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Shannon said...
Hi Mallory,
You are so sweet to copy me on the wonderful e-mails that you send. The people at Scott school are truly wonderful and I am so glad to read about their generosity! What an amazing group of people! It's great that the groceries, etc. that they have provided are such a help to you and your family. You certainly deserve it!

You're an inspiration, Mallory. You really are. Cancer picked the wrong person to mess with when it picked you. You trust the Lord and you're a fighter... you will beat this and overcome it just like you have the other obstacles set before you.

I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving.

Much love,
Shannon

Very Bad Day yesterday....

My cousin, Tita, passed away this morning. I have obviously been very upset. As we have grown close in these last few months while fighting the same kind of cancer. The family is making funeral arrangements now. She will be buried in the Locklin (my mom's maiden name) Cemetary with the rest of the family we've lost. Please keep her husband & young daughter in your prayers.

I finished chemo #11 with alot of tears, fear and frustration. Dr. Browning said all my counts were very low right now, white blood cells, red blood cells, hemoglobin..... I was given a shot to try to boost my red blood cells and was also put back on antibiotics, yet again, for my super low white blood count since that makes my immune system nearly nothing.

Dr. Browning told me I have 30 rounds of radiation to look forward to!!! Every single day for 30 days I will receive radiation of my cancer infected right hip! Ugh!

Thank you everyone who has been sending words of encourgement, cards, prayers, groceries, etc. It is MOST appreciated!



Bobby Schneider said...
My Dearest Mallory, I was deeply saddened to hear about the loss of your cousin Tita. Your family has been through so much that it just tears my heart out. I'll always wonder why some people ride down lifes highway on cruise control and others have to take that winding, hilly and bumpy road. I pray for you, Mark and your family every single day just minutes after I awake. I treasure the day that we met and consider you a close friend and genuine inspiration to all. My diagnosis of stage 4 Lymphoma was 3 years ago and even though it was an up hill battle most of the time, I'm doing very well now and I'm 100% certain that you will be too just down the road. Remember that Cindy and I will always be there for you guys. Love, your friend Bobby Schneider


holly strange said...
Mallory & (Mark and boys),There are several people in Corydon praying for you. Keep your head up and keep praying. The website is a wonderful way to keep us posted. Thank you for sharing.
We love you all!!
Holly Strange

Please Pray for my cousin Tita

My cousin, Tita, also has Lymphoma. She has been battling it very hard these last few months at M. D. Anderson hospital in Houston.
I was told last night that the hospital has sent her home, theres no more they can do for her. Her husband was generous enough to charter her a plane to get her back home to Wichita Falls the quickest and most comfortable way.
We have been told she only has a matter of hours left.
Please pray for her, her husband and their young daughter.

11th chemo tomorrow

I go in for chemo #11 tomorrow. They are getting so much harder towards the end. I get so sick just thinking about going. I cry alot now, I think a little depression is kicking in. Chemo is such a devastating thing to your mind and body. Feels like your being poisoned to death slowly.

My good friend & next door neighbor, Rusty, is taking me again to my chemo treatment. I get so sick now that they have to sedate me during the few hours while the IV poison in being pumped into me. I can't drive home. Rusty is such a good friend, he's been through alot in his life medically too so I think he is very understanding of my disease. Mark said he will go with me to my last chemo. It's hard for him to go with me because he works the night shift and needs to sleep sometime and chemo treatments usually last from 9:30am to 2pm or so.

My sister-in-laws, mother-in-law and me all went away last weekend to stay in a cabin in the woods by Patoka Lake. We had such a nice time. It was just what I needed, to get away from the hubby, kids and housework, relax & not be reminded by anything of my disease. We just talked, sat in the hot tub, acted silly and laughed alot.

Sunday night on Extreme Home Makeover, they featured a family in St. Meinrad, Indiana that was so similiar to us. The wife has cancer, they have small children & a little boy who reminded me of my little boy Cody. The wife's mother also had breast cancer and survived. My mom had Lou Gehrig's disease but didn't survive, she died just 4 days after my high school graduation.



Fred said...

Mallory,
This morning when I got you email I was so happy to receive it. Thank you for taking the time to write. I have been in Taiwan almost four years and rarely hear from the old gang. Of course, I don't have all their email addresses so they don't have mine. I then went to you blog and cried. Luckily a friend of mine was here to embrace me. I am so sorry that you are going through the pain that you are and pray that it works for you. Regarding my cancer, I am living with it. I have no pain. I am doing Ren Dian, acupuncture, Qi Gong (ChiGong), and herbal medicine. I am avoiding the Western medicine. I am a bad patient and don't always follow the doctor's advice. But, I am happy and have a good attitude. That is most important. Keep the faith, honey. Pray and you will make it. I once again thank you for sending the video about "I Have Cancer, but Cancer Does Not Have Me". It has been an inspiration to me. Thank you for all your sharing and may God bless you and yours!

Yours from Taiwan,
Fred

10th chemo down, 2 more to go

I just had my 10th chemo last wednesday. It was pretty bad, I still ended up getting sick a couple times. I had the doc give me extra sedatives to knock me out, that worked for about 1 1/2 hours of it.
My good friend, Rusty, who lives next door, went with me. He kept me company during chemo and picked up Cody for me from Sandra's house, she had babysat him all day for me.
I felt awful that evening, very sick and nauseous, so Rusty even stayed and watched the boys for me while I slept on the couch. That was really nice.
I've been pretty nauseous again this time. I just keep trying to remember I'm almost done!
Doc is sending me for a pulmunary test next week to check my lungs. One of the chemicals in the chemo cocktail they give me is Bleomycin which is very damaging to the lungs, so I've got to get checked out.

Abdominal Pain has become way of life...

The Abdominal pain just never ceases now. It's a constant, irritating reminder of my illness & intestinal problems from previous surgeries. Seems like no matter what I do I can't break free from it. I feel like a prisoner in 'pain & nausea penitentiary.'
The only thing keeping me going is the events I have to look forward to in our life. We are having our big annual Halloween Party this Saturday which I certainly hope the pain will subside a few hours for.
Then, my birthday is on Monday the 30th. Then I have been looking forward to taking the boys trick or treating on Halloween night.
Without these things to keep my mind occupied and me busy getting prepared for, I think I'd sit in my recliner all day and just go nuts feeling sorry for myself. So it's good I have my family & friends to think about and look forward to doing things with.

Worst Chemo yet

I had the worst case of anticipatory nausea yesterday during my 9th chemo. I was extremely nauseous and miserable. I ended up puking twice while I was receiving the chemo. The nausea still hasn't subsided. I am on every type of nausea medicine possible and I still haven't been able to get off the couch since yesterday. I am also very exhausted & tired due to low blood count.
I have extremely low white blood cell count again and this time Doc said I have also become anemic.
I wasn't sure exactly what anemia was so I looked it up:

Anemia is related to a decrease in the number of red blood cells and amount of hemoglobin (a protein that helps your blood carry oxygen). This in turn results in your blood being unable to carry oxygen throughout your body as well as it should. Cancer-related anemia can be caused by many factors, including chemotherapy, radiation therapy, iron deficiency, blood loss, the cancer itself, or a combination of these or other factors.

Anemia can make you feel fatigued or extremely tired. It may also have the following symptoms:

*Difficulty in thinking (cognitive dysfunction)
*Dizziness and weakness
*Shortness of breath with mild exertion
*Pale skin
*Rapid heartbeat
*Feeling cold all the time
*Loss of sex drive
*Depression

I guess this explains the miserableness & tiredness. This also explains my embarrassment a few days ago when I was at the store. I counted the items up in my cart and calculated about $40 worth of stuff, when I checked out, it rang up at $90 worth of stuff. I didn't believe the clerk and had him show me the receipt. Sure enough it was me, I couldn't calculate correctly in my head! I had to have him put half of the stuff back, very embarrassing. This difficulty in thinking and not being able to do simple math in my head is happening more and more often, pretty scary!

Lost my voice

Well, even after all my handwashing and everyone else being careful around me not to get me sick.....I got sick anyway. I've got a pretty bad cold & sore throat now and have totally lost my voice! Doc sent me out right away tonight to get on antibiotics.
I had to write a message with my name and give it to the lady at CVS so I could get my medicine, that was strange. Felt like I was holding up a bank, handing them a note.
The boys like it because I can't yell at them, ha ha! :-) Actually it's amazing how much better the kids listen to me when I can only whisper.
Hopefully I'll be able to talk again in a day or so.

I am officially a member of the "Bald Ladies Club"

I just had chemo yesterday, it was my first chemo since I was released from the hospital. I felt miserable yesterday when I came home, but things are better today. My hair was coming out in clumps again. I only had a very thin layer left, so we decided to shave the rest off last night.
Mark didn't have the heart to do it, so Wade said he would. He is such a good helper. Here's a picture of Wade cutting mommy's hair. We gradually cut it down shorter & shorter with the flowbee & then got out the razer and shaved the last 1/2 inch off.

I actually feel better. It was such a mess, my hair has been falling out everywhere, in my food, in my tea glass, in my sink, all over my pillow case and in my hats. So I think this is liberating to just get it over with instead of watching it slowly dissappear. The doctor can't believe it lasted this long, he said I was one of the few patients he has ever seen keep some hair after this many treatments (8 so far, 4 to go), especially chemo for Hodgkin's because it's so aggressive.
I just have to get used to it now. Hope I don't scare anyone! :) Surprisingly, the kids seem to be fine with it and think it's neat, so that's good. I was afraid they'd be scared of me, but I think it helped that I let them do the cutting.
If I can just make it through the next 8 weeks (4 treatments) then I'll be done with chemo and we can start on the radiation therapy.
I'll just be SO glad when this is all behind me!





Scott said...
Most of us do not view your new hair do as scary. We view it as a fighter and courages women. Not having hair is not all that bad just think no more long hours fixing it and no more bad hair days. so just think all of us that know you see you with hair no matter if it is present or not. but keep the faith Mal as I am thinking about you and Mark and soon you will be through this.
2:28 PM


Pat & Bobbye said...
Mallory, you're a beautiful person inside and out, even without the hair. Just think of shaving your hair off as a hair treatment that is going to make it grow back healthier and prettier. You're doing great and just hang in there a little while longer. We've got you and the whole family in our thoughts and prayers.
10:51 AM

HOME FROM HOSPITAL

Hi Everyone,
I just wanted to let everybody know that I finally got to come home from the hospital today!

I had began to get some extreme abdominal pain last thursday night. It became progressively worse throughout the night until I was on my hand and knees bawling in the living room floor. I called my Dad to come take me to the Emergency Room around 1:30am (Mark was at work). After many hours in pain the doctors finally figured out my small intestines had kinked or twisted causing a blockage, they believe it was caused from adhesions (scar tissue) from my last surgery in May. Here's a diagram & link from a great website I found that talks about adhesions and the related pain & trouble they cause. I hope maybe this information can help someone else out there who might be dealing with this same problem. It's funny, all the surgeries I have had, I don't remember any of the doctors telling me about the risk of adhesions, yet according to this website, they are very common and can obviously cause major health problems. Here's the link if your interested: http://www.clearpassage.com/pain/adhesions.php?OVRAW=abdominal%20adhesions&OVKEY=abdominal%20adhesion&OVMTC=standard



My lower intestines had completely shut down & I was in unbelievable pain from the pressure and swelling.
I was then given lots of pain medicine and a tube was inserted through my nose to my stomach to pump it out and relieve the pressure. After 5 days of pain, puking & pumping my intestines finally straightened out on their own without surgery, Thank God!
I was told this may happen again and I've been put on a special low-fiber diet to try to prevent it. My next chemo was also pushed back a week.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers, cards and flowers! I was so glad to come home tonight and see my little boys. I also want to thank my my mother-in-law Linda, Dad, Stacey & my sister-in-law Sandra, for taking care of Wade & Cody for me. I am so grateful!
Wade's 6th birthday is tomorrow! So I am very grateful to home just in time for that! :) I am still very sore and tired but just glad to be home.

Touching email from my friend & my husbands reply

Hey Mallory,
I woke up thinking about you and hope your feeling good today. Just keep thinking about how far along you are with your treatments and how much of this is behind you everyday. Cindy and I are looking forward to The Race for the Cure Walk tomorrow at Eastland Mall. We'll probably get there around 7:30 am for the Service of Hope. The Survivor Recognition Program at 8:30am really means alot to me. I remember walking the 2 mile walk just months after my treatments were over and even though I felt pretty bad I was determined to cross that finish line even if I had to crawl or be dragged over it. The wonderful support for this event overwhelms me to no end. I have a MRI and Cat Scan this comming Tuesday and I will see Dr. Waits on Thursday for my results. If things look good again he is suppose to move my check ups out to every 6 months!!! The only bad thing about that is not getting to see my Hero Dr. Waits as often. In my book he is the Real Deal and I owe my life to him and his treatments!!! He tells me every visit that maybe 40% of my outcome is related to my attitude at fighting this nasty thing off. Trust me my Good Friend that there were many hard days that really just about got me down but I was bound and determined to move on from them. Mallory you are an inspiration to me and several others in this same fight. You are reaching out to so many through your journal and thats part of what being in the Cancer Family is all about. I guess I'll always wonder just why this thing attacked me, but one thing is for certain and that is that it tried to take on the wrong guy!!!! Keep up your fight and thanks for being an inspiration to me. Hope to see you tomorrow if your feeling up to it.
My Deepest Hope and Inspiration
Bobby Schneider


REPLY EMAIL TO BOBBY FROM MY HUSBAND, MARK...

Thanks Robert for the inspirational email this morning, this is Mark, Mallory's husband. Although, I've never met you in person, I feel like your an old friend. I read your notes all the time , I am particulary touched by the one this morning. Mal is still sleeping, she is so exhausted, her blood count is as low now as it has ever been. So tiring just to get up and go to the bathroom. I know, you could be setting on the porch swing, drinking coffee, watching the sunrise or eating breakfast with your family , yet you , someone we have never met, is reaching out...... You know she is tired now, you know she is shaking a little bit as she grabs for more medication, you know she is getting a little more afraid each day as the enemy is attacking, wondering how much more can she take......

Thanks Robert, for the caring, thanks for reloading the guns, the extra push up the hill and the armor.......I am very grateful.

Your friend Mark

Thank God for the good days!

Like most people going through chemo, I have my good days and my bad days. Luckily, it seems that God arranged it so that Labor Day weekend would be some of my good days. I am so glad that he did too! We had a wonderful weekend doing my absolute favorite thing....spending time with family!
First we had a big family birthday party for Mark at his sister, Sandra's house. All his family were there, even his older sister and nephew came down from Corydon. We had a great time fishing, eating, talking & playing washers. Then on Sunday I got to see my cousin Tony, he came up to visit from Texas. We had a nice get together at Stacey's house with Shirley, Steffi, Sterling, Don & little Christopher.
Finally, Monday, I was still feeling well enough to take the kids to the zoo with Sandra, Dee, Eric & their kids. We all had a beautiful day and then met Mark for lunch. This was an awesome weekend and I thank God that he let me feel good enough to enjoy it. I believe he delayed my pain this time just so I could enjoy the weekend. I've been down & out pretty bad these last couple days, but it was worth it to have a nice weekend with the family!

Half way through Chemo! #6 complete!

I am officially half way through chemo now! I've completed treatment #6 today. I feel pretty miserable right now, very out of breath, chest pains and nausea but I have to keep going to take care of the kids (Mark is at work). My white blood count was back up again so that was good. But my blood pressure is still low and I have now caught an illness and am running a fever. The doc said we will just keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn't turn into an infection.
I was really feeling miserable a couple hours ago until my dear friends, Wendy & Chris Schmitt, came by to check on me and bring me a complete dinner, meatloaf, potatoes, bread, bananas, milk, butter, etc. That was wonderful! A friend of Wendy's had prepared all this today and asked Wendy to bring it over to us. That is such a caring, thoughtful thing to do. We really appreciate it! Without my good friends, family & even help from strangers, we would have never made it through this last year! Thank you all so much :)

The face of cancer...

...is not pretty.

Well, here's the cold, hard, ugly truth. I thought I'd post some 'real' pictures of me since I've lost most my hair now along with some eyebrows and eyelashes. I hope these real pictures can maybe help someone else who is just starting chemo, know what to expect.
I had to get the neulasta shot again, along with this treatment so I've had quite a bit of deep bone pain these last few days, that's why I haven't posted in awhile. I still am grateful though, I know many people have it worse than me, I just have to keep remembering that and keep the faith. Thank you to all my friends & family who have been sending me cards & gifts. It brightens my day when I see all the cards in the mailbox :)

Bobby Schneider said...
Dear Mallory, Cindy and I were thinking of you today. When my white count was low and I had to get a Hemoglobin shot about 5 days later I encountered bone flare pains in the center of my back that lasted for almost 12 hours. Dr. Waits warned me about them so I knew exactly what to expect. I hope you don't have to deal with them and chances are that you won't. My treatments also made me feel very confused and simply feeling drained and sick. I remember days that I couldn't even focus on the TV. Lots of days I also wondered what was worse, the cure or the disease so remember thats completely normal to feel that way. Mallory you are going to beat this thing and you must keep thinking about that beautiful golden sky that will shine when this storm is over. Trust me, it will work for you just as it has worked for me. I felt the exact same way that you are feeling now when I had my treatments and now I'm living proof that Cancer can be beaten. I'm just about to the 3 year mark from when it hit me and now Dr. Waits say's that I'm doing excellent!! I know that you will too!!!! Hang in there and e-mail me if I can help you in any way. Cindy was effected by the Toyota layoff but all intentions are that things will pick up there in a few months down the road. We'll keep You, Mark and your family in our prayers everyday. My deepest Hope and Inspiration to you, Bobby Schneider

Drained

Day after chemo and I am totally drained. My white blood cell count is extremely low, had to go back to the hospital today for a Neulasta shot to build up the cells again. My hemoglobin was also very low along with my blood pressure.... only 88/50. Nausea setting in. Hope this time won't be as bad as the last. I'm trying to keep my hopes up!

Chemo #5 tomorrow

Well, I am finding out that "Chemo Brain" is a real thing. I have noticed that I seem to have lost most my short term memory along with my hair, I experience confusion that comes and goes, have been on an emotional roller coaster most the time and just can't seem to think straight sometimes. It's strange, losing control of your body and mind... and scary. I just keep thinking 8 more to go. Seems like forever right now. I read stories of other people with Hodgkin's Disease who are going through the exact same things I am, it gives me a little relief to know I'm not alone and not crazy! They are also going through 'chemo brain', severe abdominal pain, nausea, chronic constipation, muscle aches, etc. (check out some of the story links I have in the sidebar) I just read on another blog how the neulasta shot I've been getting for my low white blood count has been known to cause spleens to rupture, most of which result in death. I don't know what's trying to kill me more....... the cancer or the drugs!
On a brighter note........My oldest son started kindergarten today, it was such a bittersweet moment, letting go of my little boy. He was so excited and all smiles, he loves going to school.













I don't know what I'd do without my boys. They are what keeps me going! I love them SO much.

Thank you to everyone who has been helping us and sending cards and gifts. Thank you to my dear friend Wendy and her church, St. Paul's United Church of Christ, for the generous Walmart Gift cards from the sunday schools, extremely generous check from His Body Builders Bible study group and to Parke Memorial Church for the case of Tide laundry soap, downy softner and groceries. We are very thankful!

Bobby Schneider said...
Hey Mallory, just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you today and praying that your chemo treatment went OK. I know exactly how your feeling but trust me, I'm living proof that it is worth the battle and much better days are ahead for you. My treatments were very intense and took so much out of me also but I never gave up and I came from stage 4 Lymphoma to being in remission and feeling GREAT!. If I could take a treatment for you and you would get the benefits I would gladly do it for you girl. You and your family are always in Cindy and my thoughts everyday. You are a real inspiration and I know that down the road we'll share story's about being in remission and doing Great. You have our Love and Support Always Bobby Schneider

God answers prayers!

Wednesday night at about 2am I was on my hands and knees in the hot water of the bathtub crying and praying for the abdominal pain to cease. Well, this morning it finally has! Thank God. I don't know how thousands of other cancer patients get through this horrible chemo.......actually, I do know, we just don't have a choice, we have to, to survive!
I greatly appreciate cancer survivors alot more now that I understand what they had to go through. I don't know what is worse the cancer or the chemo! I've read so many articles now that tell how the chemo is so hard on the body that many people die just from the damage the chemo drugs do on the heart and liver.
I read an awful story about a 12 year old boy who had leukemia, he was on chemotherapy for a long time, the cancer was finally destroyed by the chemo and he lived awhile until one day his heart gave out. His cause of death was damage to the myocardial sac of the heart, a result caused by the chemotherapy.
There has got to be another way to treat cancer successfully without these horrible chemicals. Anyone who has received chemo IV drugs knows what I'm talking about, it's bags and bags of awful chemicals that are pumped directly into your main blood arteries. The toxicity of these drugs is sickening, literally. For a week after I've received all these drugs, I can't stand the smell of my own urine, it burns my eyes, I'm peeing out all the chemicals and it's like a cross between bleach, ammonia & battery acid. It's horrible! My husband says he can even smell the chemical smell on my skin the first few days after the chemo injection. That's why if people are going to receive chemo for a long period of time, they have to have a port inserted otherwise it would destroy and eat up your veins. The nurses even tell us to watch and make sure the chemo doesn't leak out of the port during the transfusion because it can scar the skin! I don't know how it doesn't scar the inside of my body, or maybe it does?!
Well, at least I am grateful to have these 5 mostly painfree days before my next chemo on wednesday. I am keeping the Faith, I know it will be worth it in the end, I hope!
Thank you to everyone who has been sending cards and gifts, you don't know how much it means to me!

Ally said...
Hi Mallory, I'm glad you stopped by my blog. I don't mind at all if you link to it! :)

Chemo really stinks, but trust me, there *will* be a day when you feel good again. I know that when you're in the midst of it it's pretty hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but YOU WILL GET THERE! Keep your chin up :)

1:39 PM


dpaulo said...
Mallory,
I am going through ABVD for NSHD stage IIA (11 of 12) and I understand the terrible abdominal pain. For the first 5 or 6 treatments I would take vicodin or even percocet daily for pain. Then I started to wean myself off of it and the pain has gotten much more tolerable. I found that all the extra meds were hurting more than they were helping.
-blessings,
dpaulo

3:28 AM


Erin said...
Mallory
You look great. I wish Tyler and I could be with you during this time. I miss you and Aunt Stacey. Luv ERIN & TYLER

4:52 PM

Anonymous said...
I was in a car accident over a month ago now and I was sent your website by a gal byt he name of Diane V. She told me to scroll down and read about 'Mark's accident' - so I did- I just skipped ahead and read about his accident. What an overwhelming story of triumph and faith! So after reading it over I hit the back button on my browser and was side tracked by something else. Wehn I came back to my computer, I started reading today's post. You are such an amazing person and God must really have faith in you - He will not give us more than we can handle. I feel so blessed that I had the chance to read your story- the good as well as the bad. I pray for your strength every day. I pray that you will find comfort and peace. I am honored to have come accross such an amazing woman. Keep the faith. In reading about Mark's accident, you were so optimistic in your thoughts and blogs, remember that optimism now - embrace it and let Him guide you through this time too. Thank you for sharing your story with me, I am forever touched by your faith and strength. God Bless you and your family.
Always,
Kelly Gray
Grand Forks, ND

Back to the Nausea!!

Well, I've finished 4 treatments now, 8 to go! I don't think I'm going to make it. The nausea is so miserable and nothing seems to help! The CT scan came back with good news though, the chemo is working! My lymphnodes in my abdomen were all enlarged to the size of chicken eggs before I started treatment, but now after only 4 treatments they have shrunk down to only the size of lima beans about 10mil. So the doc said that was great news!
The extreme pain I had been getting in my belly, the doc thinks was from the fast shrinkage.
My abdomen is still taking on fluid and growing scar tissue but he says we can deal with that after the chemo is done.
Just the thought of chemo is making me very sick now. Nurses call it anticipatory nausea and that it's very common for cancer patients. They've given me a prescription now for something to calm me down and try to relax me before I come in. So I hope that helps, it was really bad yesterday. You can see on my face how miserable I feel. Anyway, at least it's working right? Just got to hang in there. If anyone has any home remedies for nausea I would be very interested in learning them! I'll be willing to try anything! Send me an email.

Anonymous said...
You are still beautiful! :-)
And you WILL make it! So glad to hear the good report that the treatments are helping....Terri

12:48 PM


Bobby Schneider said...
Hey Mallory thats wonderful news about the tumors shrinking!!!After each treatment I felt like a fell off of an extension ladder and hit the floor. Each day I felt like a climbed up one step at a time and when I almost reached the top another Chemo Treatment came along. The best way to think of it though is that it will make you well again. You'll weather this storm my friend and there will be sunny days ahead. Trust me, I'm living proof of this. Hang TUFF girl. Your Friend Bobby Schneider

6:41 PM


Fred Wolz said...
Mallory,

I love your blog! This is a battle that you will win. I know because I have known you for many years and know that you are not only a beautiful woman but one tough gal! Keep the faith, baby! I'm praying for you and your family. You are not alone in this. God bless you!

Love from across the ocean in a little place called Taiwan,
Fred

6:55 PM


Ally said...
I got anticipatory nausea BAD right before every chemo. I was on Zofran and Promethazine- the promethazine (I think it's also called phenergan) helped me alot, it just makes you SUPER tired. Some people say ginger helps- ginger pills or even sipping ginger ale.

And although it sounds funny, sometimes it helped me to breath through my mouth- it was mostly the smells associated with chemo that made me want to upchuck everywhere. ;)

Hope you're feeling better. :)

1:43 PM

Thank you to all our friends & family!

I did my Ct scan today, I won't know results until wednesday. I'm still nauseous from the barium I had to drink and that awful dye they insert in your body through the IV for the contrast. That stuff is awful! Anyone who has had an abdominal ct knows what I'm talking about.
I wanted to thank everyone for all their generosity! My friends and family have been helping us alot lately and we really appreciate it.
Tonight, we received a big surprise from Parke Church, they gave my friend Wendy, a huge basket of items they have collected to donate to us, everything from coloring books and school supplies for the boys to lotions, soaps, bath supplies, prayer cards, books and chapsticks for me! How thoughtful! Not to mention a huge monetary donation from one very generous lady at the church. God really does answer our prayers! As long as we keep the faith and keep praying, I know we can make it through this!
Thank you so much everyone who has been so generous over the last couple months, I don't know what I'd do without you all!

CT scan for monday

Feeling better today. I had alot of blood in my poop the last couple days so my Oncologist is sending me in for another CT scan on monday to see whats going on. I'll get the results on wednesday when I go in for chemo #4.

Anonymous said...
Hey Mallory I'll be thinking of you even more this Wednesday during your treatment. I remember dreading my Chemo's but always told myself that it's Mind Over Matter because in my case it didn't mind how much I mattered I had to go through it do get into remission. Hang in there girl because this will all be behind you before you know it. Believe me!!! All of our Love Bobby Schneider

9:34 PM

Pain...

The pain is almost unbearable. Hard relentless pain in my whole belly. Pain pills only take the edge off for a short period of time, enough so I can function and get things done a little here and there, like taking a shower. Sometimes it will ease up for a couple hours or so but never completely goes away. I don't know how Mark made it through all his pain after his accident. At least he knows how I feel and understands my frustration and desperation.
My hair is still falling out all the time, I'm not bald yet, but you can see my scalp in the front through my thinning hair.
Here's what my drain looks like every day after taking a shower, and this is just one shower~!

Scary to watch all your hair fall out. I go in for chemo #4 next wednesday. I've still got enough hair that covers my head so I hate to shave it all off if it's not all going to fall out. My hair is the least of my worries right now.
The pain completely controls me right now and thats all I really think about. I try everything I can think of to get relief, I even have my boys walk on my belly. They are being great through all this. Wade is a really good helper, he can do almost anything from cooking hotdogs in the microwave to getting laundry out of the dryer, you name it, he's a little smarty. Cody is a little love bug, anytime I lay down he comes over to make sure I'm alright, petting my head and hugging me. I'm so glad I have them here.

Anonymous said...
Hey Mallory...you are in my thoughts and prayers every day. I am glad you are keeping the journal so that I can be aware of what you are dealing with and can pray specifically. Somewhere down the road you will be able to use what you know about this horrible experience to encourage and help someone else...love you lots...Terri

12:54 PM

Severe muscle aches

Aches and pains are taking over today. The Nuelasta shot for my white blood cells takes a few days to kick in I guess. I'm in an all over kind of pain now, mostly in my muscles. All my muscles hurt just to be touched, everywhere, arms, legs and especially back & shoulders. I'll write more when I'm feeling better.

The nausea is so miserable

Oh my God! This is the worst misery so far. All yesterday and this morning I was SO nauseous and throwing up. I think I'd pick the pain over the nausea anyday. I had to sit with a bucket next to me most the day yesterday. It was all I could do to go to the hospital for the Neulasta shot I had to get for my low white blood cells.
Next chemo, the oncologist said he'd put me on stronger nausea meds. He said it's to be expected that this chemo will become progressively more miserable and unbearable as we go along. I guess it kind of builds up in the body.
Anyway, I'll get through this. It's just so disheartening to know only 3 days ago, right before I went in for chemo I felt great. I guess this is the cycle I will learn to live with the rest of the year. About 9 days of misery followed by about 2 days of ok, 3 days of almost back to normal and then I start all over again! Sometimes I think this is all so unfair. I pray about it.
I've been through some of the most horrible things a person can experience in the last few years, losing my mom, almost losing my husband, many other horrible life-changing things and now this!
I think I've always been a very giving person, always put everyone else's needs above my own, I pray, I try to take care of everyone around me and love my family & friends dearly and I show them and tell them so.
God must have a plan. All I can do is believe and trust in Him. It's all in God's hands.

White blood count too low

Well, I went in for chemo #3 yesterday. It was awful, I felt sick only a couple hours after I got home, which is unusual, it usually takes a couple days for it to kick in.
Oncologist says my white blood count is to low at 2400 it's suppose to be around 4500. So I go in for my first Nuelasta shot today. That's the awful shot everyone says gives you unbearable bone pain. It gets into your bone marrow and reproduces more white blood cells and apparently expands inside your bone causing pressure on your skeleton. I hope the pain doesn't last for days.
I've caught a cold, but no big deal so far. The boys are doing fine and enjoying the summer. It's extremely hot and humid this week though so they've spent alot of time indoors too.
Mark is on vacation this week, so that's nice. We don't have any plans so we are just hanging out around the house.
My family has been donating to us, to help us with all our copays, which is so nice! Thank you all so much.
The Parke church has also been wonderful to us and has been donating quite alot. Twice this week they have brought us cases of canned vegetables, breakfast cereals, mac & cheese and bread. Isn't that wonderful? The Director of the Tri-State Food Bank heard our story and has been giving us special treatment and extra boxes. We are so thankful!
Good things always seem to come out of bad situations. Just have to keep the Faith!

My first pain-free, drug-free day! :)

Yea! My first day with NO pain! I feel great today, a little tired.
At least I know I have about 4 good days right before my next treatment each time. I go in for chemo #3 on wednesday, yuck! Hair is still coming out but can't tell yet, thin but still covers my head.
Mark is on vacation this week, so maybe we will do something fun with the boys while I'm feeling good! I thank God for these good days and make the best of them. I took the boys to the zoo yesterday, it was the Hippo's 55th birthday and there were lots of fun activities, we had a great time!
The 4 of us just all hung out together at home today, helping daddy mow, eating ice cream, playing with a tree frog, swinging on the swing in the garden, we had a beautiful day, all of us together. I'm so blessed with a wonderful husband and kids. I couldn't ask for anything more.