I am officially half way through chemo now! I've completed treatment #6 today. I feel pretty miserable right now, very out of breath, chest pains and nausea but I have to keep going to take care of the kids (Mark is at work). My white blood count was back up again so that was good. But my blood pressure is still low and I have now caught an illness and am running a fever. The doc said we will just keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn't turn into an infection.
I was really feeling miserable a couple hours ago until my dear friends, Wendy & Chris Schmitt, came by to check on me and bring me a complete dinner, meatloaf, potatoes, bread, bananas, milk, butter, etc. That was wonderful! A friend of Wendy's had prepared all this today and asked Wendy to bring it over to us. That is such a caring, thoughtful thing to do. We really appreciate it! Without my good friends, family & even help from strangers, we would have never made it through this last year! Thank you all so much :)
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
The face of cancer...
...is not pretty.
Well, here's the cold, hard, ugly truth. I thought I'd post some 'real' pictures of me since I've lost most my hair now along with some eyebrows and eyelashes. I hope these real pictures can maybe help someone else who is just starting chemo, know what to expect.
I had to get the neulasta shot again, along with this treatment so I've had quite a bit of deep bone pain these last few days, that's why I haven't posted in awhile. I still am grateful though, I know many people have it worse than me, I just have to keep remembering that and keep the faith. Thank you to all my friends & family who have been sending me cards & gifts. It brightens my day when I see all the cards in the mailbox :)
Well, here's the cold, hard, ugly truth. I thought I'd post some 'real' pictures of me since I've lost most my hair now along with some eyebrows and eyelashes. I hope these real pictures can maybe help someone else who is just starting chemo, know what to expect.
I had to get the neulasta shot again, along with this treatment so I've had quite a bit of deep bone pain these last few days, that's why I haven't posted in awhile. I still am grateful though, I know many people have it worse than me, I just have to keep remembering that and keep the faith. Thank you to all my friends & family who have been sending me cards & gifts. It brightens my day when I see all the cards in the mailbox :)
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Bobby Schneider said...
Dear Mallory, Cindy and I were thinking of you today. When my white count was low and I had to get a Hemoglobin shot about 5 days later I encountered bone flare pains in the center of my back that lasted for almost 12 hours. Dr. Waits warned me about them so I knew exactly what to expect. I hope you don't have to deal with them and chances are that you won't. My treatments also made me feel very confused and simply feeling drained and sick. I remember days that I couldn't even focus on the TV. Lots of days I also wondered what was worse, the cure or the disease so remember thats completely normal to feel that way. Mallory you are going to beat this thing and you must keep thinking about that beautiful golden sky that will shine when this storm is over. Trust me, it will work for you just as it has worked for me. I felt the exact same way that you are feeling now when I had my treatments and now I'm living proof that Cancer can be beaten. I'm just about to the 3 year mark from when it hit me and now Dr. Waits say's that I'm doing excellent!! I know that you will too!!!! Hang in there and e-mail me if I can help you in any way. Cindy was effected by the Toyota layoff but all intentions are that things will pick up there in a few months down the road. We'll keep You, Mark and your family in our prayers everyday. My deepest Hope and Inspiration to you, Bobby Schneider
Dear Mallory, Cindy and I were thinking of you today. When my white count was low and I had to get a Hemoglobin shot about 5 days later I encountered bone flare pains in the center of my back that lasted for almost 12 hours. Dr. Waits warned me about them so I knew exactly what to expect. I hope you don't have to deal with them and chances are that you won't. My treatments also made me feel very confused and simply feeling drained and sick. I remember days that I couldn't even focus on the TV. Lots of days I also wondered what was worse, the cure or the disease so remember thats completely normal to feel that way. Mallory you are going to beat this thing and you must keep thinking about that beautiful golden sky that will shine when this storm is over. Trust me, it will work for you just as it has worked for me. I felt the exact same way that you are feeling now when I had my treatments and now I'm living proof that Cancer can be beaten. I'm just about to the 3 year mark from when it hit me and now Dr. Waits say's that I'm doing excellent!! I know that you will too!!!! Hang in there and e-mail me if I can help you in any way. Cindy was effected by the Toyota layoff but all intentions are that things will pick up there in a few months down the road. We'll keep You, Mark and your family in our prayers everyday. My deepest Hope and Inspiration to you, Bobby Schneider
Friday, August 18, 2006
Drained
Day after chemo and I am totally drained. My white blood cell count is extremely low, had to go back to the hospital today for a Neulasta shot to build up the cells again. My hemoglobin was also very low along with my blood pressure.... only 88/50. Nausea setting in. Hope this time won't be as bad as the last. I'm trying to keep my hopes up!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Chemo #5 tomorrow
Well, I am finding out that "Chemo Brain" is a real thing. I have noticed that I seem to have lost most my short term memory along with my hair, I experience confusion that comes and goes, have been on an emotional roller coaster most the time and just can't seem to think straight sometimes. It's strange, losing control of your body and mind... and scary. I just keep thinking 8 more to go. Seems like forever right now. I read stories of other people with Hodgkin's Disease who are going through the exact same things I am, it gives me a little relief to know I'm not alone and not crazy! They are also going through 'chemo brain', severe abdominal pain, nausea, chronic constipation, muscle aches, etc. (check out some of the story links I have in the sidebar) I just read on another blog how the neulasta shot I've been getting for my low white blood count has been known to cause spleens to rupture, most of which result in death. I don't know what's trying to kill me more....... the cancer or the drugs!
On a brighter note........My oldest son started kindergarten today, it was such a bittersweet moment, letting go of my little boy. He was so excited and all smiles, he loves going to school.
I don't know what I'd do without my boys. They are what keeps me going! I love them SO much.
Thank you to everyone who has been helping us and sending cards and gifts. Thank you to my dear friend Wendy and her church, St. Paul's United Church of Christ, for the generous Walmart Gift cards from the sunday schools, extremely generous check from His Body Builders Bible study group and to Parke Memorial Church for the case of Tide laundry soap, downy softner and groceries. We are very thankful!
On a brighter note........My oldest son started kindergarten today, it was such a bittersweet moment, letting go of my little boy. He was so excited and all smiles, he loves going to school.
I don't know what I'd do without my boys. They are what keeps me going! I love them SO much.
Thank you to everyone who has been helping us and sending cards and gifts. Thank you to my dear friend Wendy and her church, St. Paul's United Church of Christ, for the generous Walmart Gift cards from the sunday schools, extremely generous check from His Body Builders Bible study group and to Parke Memorial Church for the case of Tide laundry soap, downy softner and groceries. We are very thankful!
Bobby Schneider said...
Hey Mallory, just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you today and praying that your chemo treatment went OK. I know exactly how your feeling but trust me, I'm living proof that it is worth the battle and much better days are ahead for you. My treatments were very intense and took so much out of me also but I never gave up and I came from stage 4 Lymphoma to being in remission and feeling GREAT!. If I could take a treatment for you and you would get the benefits I would gladly do it for you girl. You and your family are always in Cindy and my thoughts everyday. You are a real inspiration and I know that down the road we'll share story's about being in remission and doing Great. You have our Love and Support Always Bobby Schneider
Hey Mallory, just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you today and praying that your chemo treatment went OK. I know exactly how your feeling but trust me, I'm living proof that it is worth the battle and much better days are ahead for you. My treatments were very intense and took so much out of me also but I never gave up and I came from stage 4 Lymphoma to being in remission and feeling GREAT!. If I could take a treatment for you and you would get the benefits I would gladly do it for you girl. You and your family are always in Cindy and my thoughts everyday. You are a real inspiration and I know that down the road we'll share story's about being in remission and doing Great. You have our Love and Support Always Bobby Schneider
Friday, August 11, 2006
God answers prayers!
Wednesday night at about 2am I was on my hands and knees in the hot water of the bathtub crying and praying for the abdominal pain to cease. Well, this morning it finally has! Thank God. I don't know how thousands of other cancer patients get through this horrible chemo.......actually, I do know, we just don't have a choice, we have to, to survive!
I greatly appreciate cancer survivors alot more now that I understand what they had to go through. I don't know what is worse the cancer or the chemo! I've read so many articles now that tell how the chemo is so hard on the body that many people die just from the damage the chemo drugs do on the heart and liver.
I read an awful story about a 12 year old boy who had leukemia, he was on chemotherapy for a long time, the cancer was finally destroyed by the chemo and he lived awhile until one day his heart gave out. His cause of death was damage to the myocardial sac of the heart, a result caused by the chemotherapy.
There has got to be another way to treat cancer successfully without these horrible chemicals. Anyone who has received chemo IV drugs knows what I'm talking about, it's bags and bags of awful chemicals that are pumped directly into your main blood arteries. The toxicity of these drugs is sickening, literally. For a week after I've received all these drugs, I can't stand the smell of my own urine, it burns my eyes, I'm peeing out all the chemicals and it's like a cross between bleach, ammonia & battery acid. It's horrible! My husband says he can even smell the chemical smell on my skin the first few days after the chemo injection. That's why if people are going to receive chemo for a long period of time, they have to have a port inserted otherwise it would destroy and eat up your veins. The nurses even tell us to watch and make sure the chemo doesn't leak out of the port during the transfusion because it can scar the skin! I don't know how it doesn't scar the inside of my body, or maybe it does?!
Well, at least I am grateful to have these 5 mostly painfree days before my next chemo on wednesday. I am keeping the Faith, I know it will be worth it in the end, I hope!
Thank you to everyone who has been sending cards and gifts, you don't know how much it means to me!
I greatly appreciate cancer survivors alot more now that I understand what they had to go through. I don't know what is worse the cancer or the chemo! I've read so many articles now that tell how the chemo is so hard on the body that many people die just from the damage the chemo drugs do on the heart and liver.
I read an awful story about a 12 year old boy who had leukemia, he was on chemotherapy for a long time, the cancer was finally destroyed by the chemo and he lived awhile until one day his heart gave out. His cause of death was damage to the myocardial sac of the heart, a result caused by the chemotherapy.
There has got to be another way to treat cancer successfully without these horrible chemicals. Anyone who has received chemo IV drugs knows what I'm talking about, it's bags and bags of awful chemicals that are pumped directly into your main blood arteries. The toxicity of these drugs is sickening, literally. For a week after I've received all these drugs, I can't stand the smell of my own urine, it burns my eyes, I'm peeing out all the chemicals and it's like a cross between bleach, ammonia & battery acid. It's horrible! My husband says he can even smell the chemical smell on my skin the first few days after the chemo injection. That's why if people are going to receive chemo for a long period of time, they have to have a port inserted otherwise it would destroy and eat up your veins. The nurses even tell us to watch and make sure the chemo doesn't leak out of the port during the transfusion because it can scar the skin! I don't know how it doesn't scar the inside of my body, or maybe it does?!
Well, at least I am grateful to have these 5 mostly painfree days before my next chemo on wednesday. I am keeping the Faith, I know it will be worth it in the end, I hope!
Thank you to everyone who has been sending cards and gifts, you don't know how much it means to me!
Ally said...
Hi Mallory, I'm glad you stopped by my blog. I don't mind at all if you link to it! :)
Chemo really stinks, but trust me, there *will* be a day when you feel good again. I know that when you're in the midst of it it's pretty hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but YOU WILL GET THERE! Keep your chin up :)
1:39 PM
dpaulo said...
Mallory,
I am going through ABVD for NSHD stage IIA (11 of 12) and I understand the terrible abdominal pain. For the first 5 or 6 treatments I would take vicodin or even percocet daily for pain. Then I started to wean myself off of it and the pain has gotten much more tolerable. I found that all the extra meds were hurting more than they were helping.
-blessings,
dpaulo
3:28 AM
Erin said...
Mallory
You look great. I wish Tyler and I could be with you during this time. I miss you and Aunt Stacey. Luv ERIN & TYLER
4:52 PM
Hi Mallory, I'm glad you stopped by my blog. I don't mind at all if you link to it! :)
Chemo really stinks, but trust me, there *will* be a day when you feel good again. I know that when you're in the midst of it it's pretty hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but YOU WILL GET THERE! Keep your chin up :)
1:39 PM
dpaulo said...
Mallory,
I am going through ABVD for NSHD stage IIA (11 of 12) and I understand the terrible abdominal pain. For the first 5 or 6 treatments I would take vicodin or even percocet daily for pain. Then I started to wean myself off of it and the pain has gotten much more tolerable. I found that all the extra meds were hurting more than they were helping.
-blessings,
dpaulo
3:28 AM
Erin said...
Mallory
You look great. I wish Tyler and I could be with you during this time. I miss you and Aunt Stacey. Luv ERIN & TYLER
4:52 PM
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Anonymous said...
I was in a car accident over a month ago now and I was sent your website by a gal byt he name of Diane V. She told me to scroll down and read about 'Mark's accident' - so I did- I just skipped ahead and read about his accident. What an overwhelming story of triumph and faith! So after reading it over I hit the back button on my browser and was side tracked by something else. Wehn I came back to my computer, I started reading today's post. You are such an amazing person and God must really have faith in you - He will not give us more than we can handle. I feel so blessed that I had the chance to read your story- the good as well as the bad. I pray for your strength every day. I pray that you will find comfort and peace. I am honored to have come accross such an amazing woman. Keep the faith. In reading about Mark's accident, you were so optimistic in your thoughts and blogs, remember that optimism now - embrace it and let Him guide you through this time too. Thank you for sharing your story with me, I am forever touched by your faith and strength. God Bless you and your family.
Always,
Kelly Gray
Grand Forks, ND
I was in a car accident over a month ago now and I was sent your website by a gal byt he name of Diane V. She told me to scroll down and read about 'Mark's accident' - so I did- I just skipped ahead and read about his accident. What an overwhelming story of triumph and faith! So after reading it over I hit the back button on my browser and was side tracked by something else. Wehn I came back to my computer, I started reading today's post. You are such an amazing person and God must really have faith in you - He will not give us more than we can handle. I feel so blessed that I had the chance to read your story- the good as well as the bad. I pray for your strength every day. I pray that you will find comfort and peace. I am honored to have come accross such an amazing woman. Keep the faith. In reading about Mark's accident, you were so optimistic in your thoughts and blogs, remember that optimism now - embrace it and let Him guide you through this time too. Thank you for sharing your story with me, I am forever touched by your faith and strength. God Bless you and your family.
Always,
Kelly Gray
Grand Forks, ND
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Back to the Nausea!!
Well, I've finished 4 treatments now, 8 to go! I don't think I'm going to make it. The nausea is so miserable and nothing seems to help! The CT scan came back with good news though, the chemo is working! My lymphnodes in my abdomen were all enlarged to the size of chicken eggs before I started treatment, but now after only 4 treatments they have shrunk down to only the size of lima beans about 10mil. So the doc said that was great news!
The extreme pain I had been getting in my belly, the doc thinks was from the fast shrinkage.
My abdomen is still taking on fluid and growing scar tissue but he says we can deal with that after the chemo is done.
Just the thought of chemo is making me very sick now. Nurses call it anticipatory nausea and that it's very common for cancer patients. They've given me a prescription now for something to calm me down and try to relax me before I come in. So I hope that helps, it was really bad yesterday. You can see on my face how miserable I feel. Anyway, at least it's working right? Just got to hang in there. If anyone has any home remedies for nausea I would be very interested in learning them! I'll be willing to try anything! Send me an email.
The extreme pain I had been getting in my belly, the doc thinks was from the fast shrinkage.
My abdomen is still taking on fluid and growing scar tissue but he says we can deal with that after the chemo is done.
Just the thought of chemo is making me very sick now. Nurses call it anticipatory nausea and that it's very common for cancer patients. They've given me a prescription now for something to calm me down and try to relax me before I come in. So I hope that helps, it was really bad yesterday. You can see on my face how miserable I feel. Anyway, at least it's working right? Just got to hang in there. If anyone has any home remedies for nausea I would be very interested in learning them! I'll be willing to try anything! Send me an email.
Anonymous said...
You are still beautiful! :-)
And you WILL make it! So glad to hear the good report that the treatments are helping....Terri
12:48 PM
Bobby Schneider said...
Hey Mallory thats wonderful news about the tumors shrinking!!!After each treatment I felt like a fell off of an extension ladder and hit the floor. Each day I felt like a climbed up one step at a time and when I almost reached the top another Chemo Treatment came along. The best way to think of it though is that it will make you well again. You'll weather this storm my friend and there will be sunny days ahead. Trust me, I'm living proof of this. Hang TUFF girl. Your Friend Bobby Schneider
6:41 PM
Fred Wolz said...
Mallory,
I love your blog! This is a battle that you will win. I know because I have known you for many years and know that you are not only a beautiful woman but one tough gal! Keep the faith, baby! I'm praying for you and your family. You are not alone in this. God bless you!
Love from across the ocean in a little place called Taiwan,
Fred
6:55 PM
Ally said...
I got anticipatory nausea BAD right before every chemo. I was on Zofran and Promethazine- the promethazine (I think it's also called phenergan) helped me alot, it just makes you SUPER tired. Some people say ginger helps- ginger pills or even sipping ginger ale.
And although it sounds funny, sometimes it helped me to breath through my mouth- it was mostly the smells associated with chemo that made me want to upchuck everywhere. ;)
Hope you're feeling better. :)
1:43 PM
You are still beautiful! :-)
And you WILL make it! So glad to hear the good report that the treatments are helping....Terri
12:48 PM
Bobby Schneider said...
Hey Mallory thats wonderful news about the tumors shrinking!!!After each treatment I felt like a fell off of an extension ladder and hit the floor. Each day I felt like a climbed up one step at a time and when I almost reached the top another Chemo Treatment came along. The best way to think of it though is that it will make you well again. You'll weather this storm my friend and there will be sunny days ahead. Trust me, I'm living proof of this. Hang TUFF girl. Your Friend Bobby Schneider
6:41 PM
Fred Wolz said...
Mallory,
I love your blog! This is a battle that you will win. I know because I have known you for many years and know that you are not only a beautiful woman but one tough gal! Keep the faith, baby! I'm praying for you and your family. You are not alone in this. God bless you!
Love from across the ocean in a little place called Taiwan,
Fred
6:55 PM
Ally said...
I got anticipatory nausea BAD right before every chemo. I was on Zofran and Promethazine- the promethazine (I think it's also called phenergan) helped me alot, it just makes you SUPER tired. Some people say ginger helps- ginger pills or even sipping ginger ale.
And although it sounds funny, sometimes it helped me to breath through my mouth- it was mostly the smells associated with chemo that made me want to upchuck everywhere. ;)
Hope you're feeling better. :)
1:43 PM
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