Abdominal Pain has become way of life...

The Abdominal pain just never ceases now. It's a constant, irritating reminder of my illness & intestinal problems from previous surgeries. Seems like no matter what I do I can't break free from it. I feel like a prisoner in 'pain & nausea penitentiary.'
The only thing keeping me going is the events I have to look forward to in our life. We are having our big annual Halloween Party this Saturday which I certainly hope the pain will subside a few hours for.
Then, my birthday is on Monday the 30th. Then I have been looking forward to taking the boys trick or treating on Halloween night.
Without these things to keep my mind occupied and me busy getting prepared for, I think I'd sit in my recliner all day and just go nuts feeling sorry for myself. So it's good I have my family & friends to think about and look forward to doing things with.

Worst Chemo yet

I had the worst case of anticipatory nausea yesterday during my 9th chemo. I was extremely nauseous and miserable. I ended up puking twice while I was receiving the chemo. The nausea still hasn't subsided. I am on every type of nausea medicine possible and I still haven't been able to get off the couch since yesterday. I am also very exhausted & tired due to low blood count.
I have extremely low white blood cell count again and this time Doc said I have also become anemic.
I wasn't sure exactly what anemia was so I looked it up:

Anemia is related to a decrease in the number of red blood cells and amount of hemoglobin (a protein that helps your blood carry oxygen). This in turn results in your blood being unable to carry oxygen throughout your body as well as it should. Cancer-related anemia can be caused by many factors, including chemotherapy, radiation therapy, iron deficiency, blood loss, the cancer itself, or a combination of these or other factors.

Anemia can make you feel fatigued or extremely tired. It may also have the following symptoms:

*Difficulty in thinking (cognitive dysfunction)
*Dizziness and weakness
*Shortness of breath with mild exertion
*Pale skin
*Rapid heartbeat
*Feeling cold all the time
*Loss of sex drive
*Depression

I guess this explains the miserableness & tiredness. This also explains my embarrassment a few days ago when I was at the store. I counted the items up in my cart and calculated about $40 worth of stuff, when I checked out, it rang up at $90 worth of stuff. I didn't believe the clerk and had him show me the receipt. Sure enough it was me, I couldn't calculate correctly in my head! I had to have him put half of the stuff back, very embarrassing. This difficulty in thinking and not being able to do simple math in my head is happening more and more often, pretty scary!

Lost my voice

Well, even after all my handwashing and everyone else being careful around me not to get me sick.....I got sick anyway. I've got a pretty bad cold & sore throat now and have totally lost my voice! Doc sent me out right away tonight to get on antibiotics.
I had to write a message with my name and give it to the lady at CVS so I could get my medicine, that was strange. Felt like I was holding up a bank, handing them a note.
The boys like it because I can't yell at them, ha ha! :-) Actually it's amazing how much better the kids listen to me when I can only whisper.
Hopefully I'll be able to talk again in a day or so.

I am officially a member of the "Bald Ladies Club"

I just had chemo yesterday, it was my first chemo since I was released from the hospital. I felt miserable yesterday when I came home, but things are better today. My hair was coming out in clumps again. I only had a very thin layer left, so we decided to shave the rest off last night.
Mark didn't have the heart to do it, so Wade said he would. He is such a good helper. Here's a picture of Wade cutting mommy's hair. We gradually cut it down shorter & shorter with the flowbee & then got out the razer and shaved the last 1/2 inch off.

I actually feel better. It was such a mess, my hair has been falling out everywhere, in my food, in my tea glass, in my sink, all over my pillow case and in my hats. So I think this is liberating to just get it over with instead of watching it slowly dissappear. The doctor can't believe it lasted this long, he said I was one of the few patients he has ever seen keep some hair after this many treatments (8 so far, 4 to go), especially chemo for Hodgkin's because it's so aggressive.
I just have to get used to it now. Hope I don't scare anyone! :) Surprisingly, the kids seem to be fine with it and think it's neat, so that's good. I was afraid they'd be scared of me, but I think it helped that I let them do the cutting.
If I can just make it through the next 8 weeks (4 treatments) then I'll be done with chemo and we can start on the radiation therapy.
I'll just be SO glad when this is all behind me!





Scott said...
Most of us do not view your new hair do as scary. We view it as a fighter and courages women. Not having hair is not all that bad just think no more long hours fixing it and no more bad hair days. so just think all of us that know you see you with hair no matter if it is present or not. but keep the faith Mal as I am thinking about you and Mark and soon you will be through this.
2:28 PM


Pat & Bobbye said...
Mallory, you're a beautiful person inside and out, even without the hair. Just think of shaving your hair off as a hair treatment that is going to make it grow back healthier and prettier. You're doing great and just hang in there a little while longer. We've got you and the whole family in our thoughts and prayers.
10:51 AM